


Slipping

by iamfitzwilliamdarcy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 07:18:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14100228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamfitzwilliamdarcy/pseuds/iamfitzwilliamdarcy
Summary: After killing Snoke, Kylo Ren should be free. He's not.(Or the one in which Ren misses Snoke)





	Slipping

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a mess but so is Ben ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Kylo Ren’s hands are shaking.

He thinks they’ve been shaking since Han Solo died.

Since he _killed_ Han Solo.

Since he killed his—

The Supreme Leader would scold him for such sentimental thoughts.

The Supreme Leader is also dead. Ren killed him.

He thinks Hux might know. The side glances he sends him when he thinks Ren isn’t looking. Ren’s position is too precarious to murder him now. Ren doesn’t sleep; Hux could murder him.

He hasn’t slept well since Skywalker— 

He pretends he doesn’t miss feeling Leader Snoke’s presence as he drifts off. He feels like a limb has been severed from him, like a piece of him is now missing, and he lays flat on his mattress at night, lightsaber in his hand, and he doesn’t sleep.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Hux hisses at him, later. “Do you have any idea how to lead us forward?”

Ren seethes. Through gritted teeth he says, he clenches his hand, just slightly, to remind Hux. Says, “Careful, General.” 

He hates Hux even more for being right. Leader Snoke was wise. Ren needs his guidance. 

(He hates Hux for how much of the Supreme Leader’s time he carved away at, time Ren should have had in training, should have had to _himself_.) 

Killing Han Solo was supposed to have made him stronger. That’s what Leader Snoke had told him, and the Supreme Leader was wise. He took pride in Kylo Ren, had guided him since childhood. Had been his friend and confidant—like a father. He could not be wrong.

And yet—

Ben— _Ren_ can feel himself slipping _._

If killing Han Solo was supposed to make him stronger, what was killing the Supreme Leader supposed to have done?

It’s not working, whatever it is.

Ren doesn’t even want to be the Supreme Leader. (What does he want?) He wants—he wants to sleep again. He wants this to end. He wants—

He picks up the burnt out crust of Vader’s helmet and stares at it for a long time.

(Did you kill anyone you love?)

(Did you miss them?)

He wants to take it back.

He flings the helmet across his room.

The Supreme Leader is wise. It’s Ren who must be wrong.

He goes to throne room, where it’s empty, pristine. Cleared of all the bodies, no carnage, no sign. “What am I doing wrong?” he asks out loud. He’s cut all his emotional ties, he’s slaughtered people who once meant everything to him, and he’s still weak. His training is not complete. 

He had thought— 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands, furious. “I was ready! Why didn’t you teach me? Why did you let me--”

He breaks off. This is infuriatingly stupid. Snoke is dead. Ben— _Ren_ killed him.

He goes back to his room. He sits on the floor, reaches out hand to the fallen helmet, and closes his eyes. Meditates. 

He hears a woman’s voice that sounds vaguely familiar, like Mom’s—like the Rebel General’s—but sweeter, higher pitched, accented, but not one Ren can place. “Come back,” she says. She’s talking to him, but her words sound like an echo. “Come back. I love you.”

He sees her in the distance, fading away, brown hair, sad eyes, beautiful. 

Then there’s a man’s voice. “Ben,” he says, and B—Ren opens his mouth to correct him. He doesn’t get the chance, and the voice continues. “The Dark Side will not give you what you seek. It will only enslave you.”

Ren shakes his head. “You’re wrong,” he says. “You’re wrong!”

“Do you feel stronger?” the voice asks. “Or is it tearing you apart?”

Ren draws his hand back from the helmet as the door to his chambers opens.

“I apologize for interrupting,” Hux says.

Ren stands quickly. “I was only meditating.”

Hux raises an eyebrow. Ren thinks again of murdering him. 

“What do you want?” Ren demands, when Hux says nothing else. 

“I am not your brother, Ren,” Hux hisses, and Ren, loath to admit it, is taken aback. “I am not your rival to fight over affection of the Supreme Leader. He had no use for such things.”

“The Supreme Leader is--”

“Dead,” Hux finishes for him. “We’re left to carry on the his legacy.” He pauses, his lip sneering, and shakes his head. “I never understood why he kept you around. Your power is beyond imagining,” Hux’s eyes shine. “But you have no control. You are a loose canon, a liability.”

Ren reaches out. “I will show you my power,” he snarls.

“You need me,” Hux says. “You were his dog, chained until he could find you a purpose. I was his General, his trusted advisor.”

Ren draws his lightsaber, trembling with rage. He cannot kill Hux, he reminds himself. Says, voice rising, “The Supreme Leader—”

“He did not love you!” Hux shouts, finally losing his composure. “He was above that! And whatever childish fantasy you have in your head about who he was to you, whatever perception you have about my service to Leader Snoke, I suggest you put behind you. We have only our cause.”

“You were just as devoted to him,” Ren accuses. 

Hux draws in a breath and eyes him. “I was,” he says. “And to the Cause above all.” He looks at the lightsaber and repeats, “You need me. Without me, this Cause collapses. My army belonged to Leader Snoke, but they are still _mine_. Who do you imagine will serve you?”

Ren presses his lips together. He’s caught, and he knows it. Hux knows it too, and his smile is thin and grim, somehow still smug. He turns and leaves, and Ren aims a kick at Vader’s helmet. He’s breathing hard, his anger coursing through him.

He draws a deep breath. Something is coming. He can feel it, mingling with his anger.

Something—some _one_ is coming.

Skywalker. 

He knows what he has to do. He skids down the hallway, after Hux. 

“I want every gun we have to fire on that man!” he orders.

Hux starts to protest, but Ren finally understands. Killing Solo, Leader Snoke—it’s the first step. Not enough, there’s still someone with power over him. This…this will complete it. 

He has to kill Skywalker.

Only then can he let his past go, only then can he be free.


End file.
